Even though it was very, very early in the morning James was wide-awake.
‘I don’t feel very sick’ thought James. ‘I’m going to have some juice and brekkie.’
He got out of bed. Well he fell out of bed really (which he does almost every time) and when he stood up he thought ‘is this what drunk people feel like. It’s not very nice. It must be pretty yucky feeling like they’re in a boat all of the time.’
James finally got his land legs and went out his bedroom door and stood at the top of the stairs.
‘It’s a long way to the bottom’ he thought ‘I wonder if I can slide down on my bum?’
It was 5am. It was still dark outside and very quiet. Nighttime quiet. The sort of quiet that HISSES! The sort of quiet that makes you JUMP! Full of things that HISS and JUMP and BUMP! Things that HISS and JUMP and go BUMP in the NIGHT!
When James got up he made so much noise that everyone else got up too. When James does most things, people tend to notice. He’s the type of boy that makes you notice him and forget about everything else.
James stood at the top of the stairs and even with the light on, he was looking around for ninjas and other creepy, hissy, jumpy, bumpy things. He didn’t see his dad and his brother and sister peeking at him from behind half closed bedroom doors.
‘Sssh! Said dad. Perhaps he’s sleepwalking.’
‘Perhaps he’s an idiot’ whispered his older sister and giggled like older sisters do for no real reason at all. They just like to giggle. No one has ever found out why and probably never will.
‘Let him go’ whispered dad. ‘It’s dangerous to wake up a sleepwalker. They can do crazy things.’
‘But dad. He already does.’ Said his brother. Do you remember the time….
James crept down the stairs into the dark abyss of the hall. He fumbled for the light switch sure that he was about to be gobbled up by a monster. He could almost feel its breath. Even as he found the switch his heart was pounding so hard that it almost jumped out of his chest and ran away. The bulb fizzed and popped its light into the hall washing the monster breath away. James felt safe once more.
He went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. He was bathed in a pool of cold blue fridge light. He looked at the juice. The juice looked at him.
‘This wasn’t such a good idea’ he thought ‘I feel strange.’
‘Don’t worry little man’ It was dad. ‘Let’s get you back to bed. That’s enough adventures for one night.’
‘Is mum back yet?’ said James
‘No. She’s with The Wet Bandit’
‘Is The Wet Bandit a goodie dad?’
‘The Wet Bandit is just The Wet Bandit son. But there wouldn’t be a Wet Bandit without your mum now would there?!’
‘My mum….Bubbles. Oops! That was a secret!’
‘Don’t worry son. I know all about it. Now let’s get you back to bed.’
Jack and Jake, the guinea pigs had a peek.
‘Have they gone?’ said Jack.
‘Yes’ said Jake.
‘Ok’ said Jack. ‘Monopoly or I Spy?’
‘What about a go on the wheel?’
‘Ooooooh the magic wheel!’
James slipped into a cosy sleep and dreamt BIG adventures. HUGE adventures about Bubbles and the Wet Bandit.
He snored and burped and rustled and fidgeted and tossed and turned and drooled into a deep, deep sleep.
The Abysinnian chicken pox slept too, unaware of the fate that lay before them.
Meanwhile, the Wet Bandit was drinking his third Shiraz pool of the morning and Bubbles was sitting in the shade gently strumming a lute and singing about James and Trevor the Superstar Spot.
‘Tomorrow we paint’ said the Bandit ‘Today we plan’
‘Si El Bandito!
‘And more wine!’